lauraxsynthesis (lauraxsynthesis) wrote,

Marching on

I've moved house 3 times since August. Next month I'm at long last moving into something of a permanent home, at least for a couple of years. It'll be my first mortgage and so my first chance to really put down roots. I don't think of it as a long-term home though - I'm hoping to get something with a proper garden eventually. And so I find I've internalised the disgusting English disease of treating property as an investment rather than a home. In choosing stuff for my builder to install (the flat needed gutting and refurbishment), I've had to think more about what will make it salable than what will make it feel like my home. God it's insidious. I didn't really realise this was happening until this moment; or not to this extent. The fact that it's my partner's money rather than my own has probably been the main influence in all this. It's not as if I'd have made different choices for the flooring or whatever - I probably wouldn't. I think I'll take awhile to settle in though because I'm going to feel at first at least as if it's not mine to live in but a future potential buyer's to scrutinise. And I badly need a home where I can put down roots. I've been moving since I was less than two years old and that's been a curse at least as much as a blessing. It's not a way of life that makes me comfortable much less helps me thrive.

A couple of weeks ago I introduced the dogs to the new flat for the first time. Thank goodness they liked it. They were very happy actually - Coco being very tail waggy and Rolo licking my leg. I so hope we'll all be happy there. I chose the flat more for them than for myself - it's on the ground floor with a big patio and is close to green spaces. If I can find a way to work less or closer to home or from home so I can spend more time with them, it'll make a huge difference to my quality of life.

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